Three Decades of a Work In Progress

*Birthday present from Jayson

I was inching close to being a year more aged, getting past 30, when I began to freak-out-of-sort about getting there. This realization came to me less than two hours before my 31st birthday strikes. For most, the freaking-out-turning-point comes on the 30th year. I just laughed it off back then.

But now, suddenly, I see people all around me, friends of mine, who have their acts together. Wife, kids, and a job they love – (well, for that job bit, I am loving mine) - things that I don't even really think about most days. Well, I am not screwing up my life. I also have my own deal of responsibilities – including but not limited to paying my bills. Paying my bills – the only ownership I can think of right off hand… How can I be 31?

Looking back, the past 30 years of my life would not call for a celebration – a far call for a celebration of life, if I must say. For most part, it was shady. There were happy times but they just came in trickles. I am afraid that this freaking-out-of-sort would blossom into full-panic. I am somehow in my mid-life and have not yet found what it is to be really happy. I still have a handful of peace of mind issues and subjects on coming-to- terms-with-myself to deal with.

I got way past 30, and maybe it was the demarcation line I have crossed. Maybe for most parts hereon, will be brighter. I am a work in progress.

Anyhow….
There's something thrilling about the reckless abandon of youth. I don't want to lose that. That carefree attitude, that feeling of being tireless, and invincible - that's who I am; it's who I've always been. One minute, I am a jubilant youth, without any care in the wolrd, and before I know it, I’m 31.

I got way past 30, and maybe it was the demarcation line I have crossed. Maybe for most parts hereon, will be brighter. I am a work in progress.

A Handprint On My Heart

the one embeded by my friend, Dhanton

Also posted on my Friendster blog, 27 April 2008

"I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason. Bringing something we must learn, and we are lead to those who help us most to grow if we let them, and we help them in return. Well I don't know if I believe that's true. But I know I am who I am today because I knew you. Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes the sun, like a stream that meets the boulder, halfway through the woods. Who can say if I've been changed for he better, but because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

Today marks one of the saddest times in my history. I got the message about the passing away of one the pleasantest people I have ever known – my good friend Dhanton Opiso. His life was taken by a motorcycle accident. I felt the anguish which was shortly escorted by resentment to myself. The last time I saw him was about three years ago. In one of the last communications we had, we were texting and arranging to meet up. I called the meeting off. I was busy at work during that time and just promised a rain check since I was not available. Now, I so badly yearn to pay that rain check but he is not available… would not be, anymore. I wish I knew better that time.
I am perpetually grateful to Heavenly Father for having made my path cross that of Dhanton’s. He has given his life so unselfishly to those he cared about. He was one of the most giving people I know, a friend with whom you can entrust your life with. I will always know and remember Dhanton as someone who puts so much responsibility on whatever he puts himself into, an intelligent person who was never too tired to share what he knew. Plenty a times, he has put his needs aside and would put others’ ahead them. I am just but grateful that I was able to experience this man – a friend, a younger brother, a big brother (when I am being stubborn), a classmate, a seatmate, a comedian, a numbers wizard, a partner-in-crime, a spirit-lifter, a confidant, a shoulder to cry on, a strong arm to raise you up, a man I will always remember with fondest and vivid memories. My college life and my life in general would not have been the same without this lad.
My buddy Dhanton, never will I hear that infectious laughter again or hear you narrate your stories. Never again I can come to you for doses of comfort when I need some. Nevertheless, you will echo in my heart for as long as I live. I will miss you for now but there’s so much to remember you by. Your friendship will be amongst my most priceless investments. Your inspiration will be there and shall be one of the strings that I will hold on to and will keep me going. All those we shared shall be kept in my book of life and be often revisited mostly when I need to smile. May the good Lord keep us until that day when we shall be joined in a happy reunion, me paying my rain check with you.
You have autographed your life with kindness. You took something out of your heart and put it into mine. I love you, my brother.

“It well may be, that we will never meet again in this lifetime. So let me say before we part – so much of me is made from what I learned from you. You will be with me… like a handprint on my heart.”

What's Your Comfort food?

Also posted on my Friendster Blog

I was browsing through my pictures the other day and I came across this set from one out-of-town getaway I had with July and Anne. I remember it was just two weeks after I came back to work after a long sick leave because of the accident. One running tradition I have been doing with July, Anne, Yna and AJ is meeting together after sometime of not seeing each other because of our busy schedules and have our one short day for a lifetime of fun. We would just meet for breakfast or lunch, then go somewhere quiet and there we would do our catching-ups and updates.That time AJ and Yna were not able to come. Without any plans Anne (who was like 8 months pregnant then with my inaanak) and I decided to go with July to his appointment in Angeles. We drove all the way to Pampanga, went to July's, to his appointment and he brought us to this specialty restaurant, Northern Brews where we ate special pancakes over a round of laughs and stories. I could not even remember what each of our pancakes were called. I just remembered I had much fun eating them, feeling my soul was satisfied. They were palatable, fancy and delicious. I recall, I had much challenge moving around that time. My foot was still aching and I could not bear long walks. I decided to hit the road with them anyway. I just missed them so much. I realized the pancake I ate somewhat comforted me and the laughters we shared lifted my wounded spirit. Is pancake my comfort food? Maybe yes. But the best part of it was that I ate and shared my pancake with my comfort friends. I hope to get my second helping soon.

Where Have All the Sea Turtles Gone?

Posted on my Friendster Blog - February 2, 2008.

Also posted on my friend, Jayson's blog site with consent : ).

Earlier at work my boss (and a friend), Jayson just out of no where asked me – “Where are the stuff you brought for us from Palawan?”. Kind of funny but the trip he was referring to was over a year ago and that I was not able to return to work for a long time after my vacation leave. He told me, that maybe it is now high time I gave them away. Preceding the trip was the dreadful day of the accident that changed my life forever. It was not after five long months that I was able to report back to work. After he popped the question, I had a quick flash back of the not so distant past. I bought miniature sea turtles from our final stop on our five-day getaway to Palawan last year. As I had my encounter with the red dump truck after the day we came back to Manila, I ended up being confined in room 618 of the World Citi Hospital. The small sea turtles? They ended up all crammed up in a shoe box under my bed. After two months, I was discharged from the hospital. They remained under my bed. After three months I was welcomed back to the office and I started to slowly get back to my office routines. My turtles are still under my bed. I am somehow a lot better now. My life is now back to normal by some means. My turtles? To this day, they are still under my bed, heaving up inside a box – all twenty-something of them.
“I don’t know.” I told Jayson rather jokingly but half-meant. “I might break down if I opened the box and see the small sea turtles.”
He said, “Tell yourself that you came to live this day to be able to give them to those whom they are supposed to go to.”
I am still struggling inside, resentful of my tragedy. I have not reached the point where I am able to embrace and accept my misfortune and the changes it has brought me. I am not yet there. Or will I ever be there?
For whatever it's worth, I reckon it made a lot of sense to me - I came to live this day to give my little Palawan turtles to whom they are supposed to go. I like this bit – I came to live this day.
So tonight, I will pull out the box under my bed and bravely open it. Well, I have not liberated myself from the aftereffects of the accident as of yet. But maybe I can start from setting the sea turtles free.

Being Mark Twain

Mark Twain has been one of my favorite poets of all time. You may know Mark Twain for some of his very popular books like Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. He was a writer and also a humorist, satirist and lecturer.

He once said/wrote: "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did so. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

Twenty years ago, I was a kid trying to keep a personal journal. It was a journal, a diary of sort that intended to tell travelogues of my daily life - at school, at church, at play. I lost maintenance of it as I was growing up. I realized I was a young blogger back then. I also realized I was not able to fossilize my early childhood memories as I failed to put more entries into it.

Now, I would like to keep record of my thoughts and feelings to this time capsule that I would love to revisit years from now.

To all who might be interested, the next posts on this blog site will be some chunks of my mind, my heart, of the things that make me happy, things that make me cry...

Here goes some bits and pieces of my life which I would like to share. Enjoy!!

Being Twain,

Lyndon