Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Of Doors Left Ajar




It is truth that when we say that the relationship is over often it truly is not. We know of persons who split up years ago, and yet one of the partners (or even both) cannot seem to let go emotionally. What makes parting difficult is not physical absence – rather, it is the letting-go-emotionally. The memories, the good times past - all these and many more factors make it very hard for some people to let go of a relationship. This is why there follows a period of mourning after the parting which for some did not end with a period. It is also true that many couples go on in a relationship after it is over. The factors mentioned above keep them from walking away from potential happiness.

Closure is a HUGE issue. We all want something to end completely. We all want answers, to understand. We often hang around in a relationship, doing damage to ourselves, because we are looking for that moment when-it-all-gets-clear; when we finally say what we mean and what we feel and finally feel heard by him/her. When we feel a chapter has closed.


Only, it hardly ever happens that way.

We can end up spending so much of our lives waiting for, looking for, praying for, listening for, asking for, demanding, envisioning, thinking about, and writing about…Closure, which never happens.

And then here’s the question to ask - Is Closure necessary? Is it really all that is important?
I say NO. We most often, will never get closure, and perhaps that’s a very good thing. Perhaps that’s the way we learn to be softer, more fluid and flexible - To roll with the punches, and to be surprised. Perhaps this is where we finally learn to give up control.


So - there we are. Don’t NEED to close anything. Leave all doors be, let air move through, around, against, up and down all the open and half-closed and slightly ajar and slammed shut doors of our lives, until the doors finally disappear on their own, from misuse. Let the cobwebs gather around the old patterns, let the old pain drift away, let things crumble as they will.

No closure - just movement. Moving forward, onward to Happy-Ever-After.

I wrote of this account for a friend who deems he needs closure from a recent relationship. This is not to go against what he thinks is best for him, but maybe an option or a thought he might want to ponder. Point being? Closure is not a prerequisite of moving on.

As a friend, I will bless the day when this friend of mine finds happiness in love, whether behind closed doors, doors left ajar, or doors left open.