Chronicles of Unrequited Love (Part 3)

If people love you, be thankful that you're one of the few whom certain people chose to show their emotions to. Love does not demand to be loved back but it doesn't mean it exists to be taken for granted. If you can't return the love you are given, don't let it linger to grow alone. If you don't want it, refuse kindly.

Love may not demand but it also deserves a heart that will better understand.

Of So-Longs and Farewells

I realize that the most important events in my life do not end up being chronicled in here. There are a number of reasons for that. For one, some of them are just too personal to tell, while others just cannot be properly captured by words, at least not by my being a pseudo-writer. Not yet. Another reason is that the event is too emotionally significant, so near the fact that putting it to words is too painful. By the time it feels better, many of the finer details, which are often the ones that matter most, are lost to time and the fallibility of human memory.
Some of these still make it in here, but they end up being half-hearted, just written for the sake of being written so as to avoid losing, but not truly captured. I will do my best to ensure that this latest event does not attend this latter category.

Last Tuesday, a major change in my career history has taken place. Chase Card Services, the account I have been supporting for the past three years bade goodbye to the company. This meant a lot to me. I pioneered the account and it was where I developed in my career. It did not actually post as a threat to my career as I was automatically absorbed by my current mother campaign. What I am sappier about is that I had to say goodbye to a group of people which I deem not just colleagues but are dear friends which (for most times) felt like family. The only consolation is that I am not really saying goodbye to any of these people because I can still keep up with them as they will just be transferred to other home accounts. But of course, it will be a lot different from what we have been used to.

You know how it feels like when a time and place get to you? Reaching the end, I would not want to overdo the describing how-it-feels. I am afraid I might not pull it off just right. Chase has been our home, and we are a family. Now the home has crumbled and we are now orphans, most of us seeking new shelters. The times at Chase will surely be missed. The tough times, (and there were a lot..), and the sad ones that made strong mud and wood for the home. What I miss the most is the larger and brighter part of the pie – the laughing-out-loud moments. The times when we laughed our hearts out, almost dying due to lack of oxygen – and we liked it. I will surely miss the moments when we worked our asses out, meeting deadlines, audits and all. There are a lot to look back to. Now, everything is history.

To the people I crossed shoulders with because of Chase:
Alvin – my ex-protégé/partner/horse-playing-partner. I wish Chase times were longer so I can make you ache ‘til you drop.
Paula – One of my best friends. We made our way in our careers almost together. My confidant, my excel guru. My go-to girl!!

The ones who went ahead before the official closing:
Glory – my kumare/gossip-partner/shock absorber/reports generator/QA orienteer
Reb – my dear friend/the evil step sister/reports generator/shock absorber/report generator/last minute guy/gal/QA orienteer.

Jiro - my crazy moments partner. Thank you for sharing with me the art of gossiping! (laughs)
Kath – Laughing buddy/Performance reviews-partner. Darn, I will miss the Tuesday WPRs!!

The verifiers – the times shall surely be missed.

To the coaches and mentors who hastened my job in making sure new associates perform, you guys are awesome!

The leaders whom I learned a lot from, I salute you!! It has been great working with you.

I know that this parting of ways is a necessary step for each of us. Yes, this chapter of our lives holds so many amazing times that makes it difficult to leave behind. The more I think about it, the more I realize, that these times should be given the opportunity to continue someday. Company Accounts are not forever, but friendships can be.

Life makes wonders. The same paths that say we must part ways may yet be the ones which will bring us together again.

For all that has been, and for all that still will be….

ISANG TAOS-PUSONG PASASALAMAT.

Of Hugs and Kisses (not the chocolate kind)

I had my most-number-of-hugs-in-a-day last Friday, December 21. It was my last day at work before Christmas break. I got to hug and be hugged by people dear to me as we exchanged our merry christmases. I came to realize that embracing is one of my most-liked gestures of affection. The hugs (most of which accompanied by kisses) made me feel warm and comforted. Maybe inside I am still crying… and embraces unconsiously are the taps and touches on my back telling me, hush now.

- Posted on my Friendster Blog - http://lyndsagdy.blog.friendster.com/, some one year ago.

* * *

Today, I bumped into one of the best friends I have, Mon Ruiz - my batchmate. It has been ages now since I last saw this lad. I remember Mon being one of those I used to borrow strengths from during when the times were difficult years back. I wished to solicit strength from him again last two years ago, only, we lost contact.

I was walking my way to PBO yesterday when a car pulled over at my side then, lo and behold! - there was Mon. He was in a hurry but said he was thrilled to see me so he had to quickly stop. We did not talk much because ot the very little time we had, as I was also in a bit of a rush myself. We just hugged a long hug and echanged contact info.

I felt I wanted to cry. Maybe there's still a tinge of struggle inside me that I wanted to sob to this friend.

Maybe inside I am still crying… and embraces unconsiously are the taps and touches on my back telling me, hush now.

Of Damp Days and Rainbows

5:30 AM today, when I went out of the office it was raining. The streets were damp and I think I smiled when I saw on my way home, two schoolgirls walking under the rain dressed in raincoats and holding their umbrellas over their heads. I wish I could do that - walking under the rain, only I would be soaked to the skin and I would love to do the walking with my Adored One - like I have one (right, Clint?). What would make it even more vivid is when there’s a huge rainbow in the sky. I actually looked up, wishing there was a rainbow. I laughed inside because I was educated early on in my childhood that first, it needed to stop raining and the sun to come out before the multihued adornment can show.

I don’t have any idea why the thought of rainbows unexpectedly filled my head. Maybe my psyche is warning me, I need to add dimensions to my otherwise mundane life… and fill my being with bright hopes.

I have got one wish. I hope, the next time I see a rainbow, it would stay for a long while because it has been long since. I bet I will see and hear Judy Garland singing over at its end:

SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW,
WAY UP HIGH
THERE’S A LAND THAT I HEARD OF ONCE IN A LULLABY,
SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW,
SKIES ARE BLUE,
AND THE DREAMS THAT YOU DARE TO DREAM
REALLY DO COME TRUE

PS: I just need to put this bit for Clint:

Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow.
-James Matthew Barrie

And because of this quote, let this post be:

Chronicles of Unrequited Love Part 2. : )

Chronicles of Unrequited Love (Part 1)

"And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind - the one that almost kills its victims. It’s called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmases, the worst Birthdays, New Years Eves brought in by tears and Valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh God, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms."

- A quote from The Holiday that kind of hits far too close to home.

For the past days, I have been regularly speaking with one of my dearest friends Clint Donray Agoncillo. This friend of mine is going through a tough time right now, which I believe, he can get way past with ease and pride if he played his cards well enough. He is in the so-common state of unrequited love. I myself have had my fair share of this story, that when it comes my way again, I am determined to face it with a whole new attitude. I love myself better now. When by accident I stepped on that slippery slope, I will… I will… hmmmm… I don’t know (laughs).

As for now, let this post and the next few sequels of it, be my tribute to Clint and others who might be in the same circumstance of unreciprocated love. Some of the posts preceding this one will speak about...UNREQUITED LOVE.

Choo Choo Train

One of the faster ways to ferry through one point to another in Manila is taking the train. Yesterday, I came to realize that it has been ages since I took a train – 2 years ago, maybe. I deem public transportations such as the train and the jeepney uncomfortable modes to travel. I do not like the crowd, the hustle, and bustle, and all. The cab is the easier way to go places (well, for those who do not drive cars), I think.

Yesterday, my friend Jayson and I went to the movie house in Gateway to see High School Musical. We were trying to figure out our next agenda after the movie when he received an invite to meet some friends at Trinoma. We decided that he would just tag me along and we’ll just meet his friends. I thought we were making our way out of the mall toward where the taxi queue is when he handed me a pre-paid MRT ticket - "one ride!", he said. WE-ARE-TAKING-THE-TRAIN. He has already decided, all to himself that we were taking the train. He is nowadays, into some sort of a thrift-program and thinks that taxi rides (when not in dire need of them) are unnecessary expenses. Well, I would like to say amen to that, but sorry, taking the train is kind of big deal with me. Sounds crazy, but I thought I‘d prefer taxi. Anyhow, after a while of debate, he won, leaving me with no choice. I even remember saying – “I won’t go anymore if we are taking the train.” He was asking me for better reasons to take the cab. And so there it goes - I was convinced that MRT would be the most appropriate transportation for us to be conveyed, at least for this one short trip. We walked through the crowd, stood in line, checked by security, waited for the train. Suddenly then, I felt the familiarity. It has been ages since I last took the train. I realized it was not as bad as I thought it would be. I was even standing halfway to Trinoma, and I found it funny because it was just okay. It did not hurt. I found it okay. The trip was easy. It was not as comfortable as it would have been on a cab, but it was easy. It was not like roller coaster.

The journey through life, as it has been put by many people is like a roller coaster ride (I love roller coasters at carnivals, by the way).

Yes, there are points in our lives when the riding gets tough like a roller coaster. These are the rides which get us to appreciate the easy going ones – when what tides us through is just like a train ride. Glad I had a one way ticket earlier today.